So, I've been going on with Mr Traveler for quite some time now... We've been in contact since early December ((I think)) and it's been a constant thing... Every day, an email, or two... We're getting to know each other more... It's nice... It doesn't feel like a 'transaction'... ie: my time for your money... I think it's kind of nice to get to know someone... to genuinely like their personality, and their company... I mean, isn't that how it's supposed to go??? I think so... It makes the apparent differences in age, race, and financial level less obvious and 'in your face'...
Nonetheless... I declined his invitation to go to Philadelphia with him... He was sad, I could hear it, but I made sure to be strong on my decision... It's just too early. We don't know each other that well. I would be lying if I said that I completely trusted him 100%. I'd have to go out of my way to get there... I wouldn't feel comfortable staying over with him... The list goes on... No hard feelings buddy... I just can't...
We have our next date scheduled for the mid of next week... I suggested we do something physical and fun... I mean, I like the whole restaurant/bar thing, but I'm trying to start my Master Cleanse and new fitness regimen soon, and I can't begin to do that if I'm downing Apple Martinis, Manhattans, and chocolate cake... ya know...???
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Basically, here's what was on my mind... This has basically turned into an everyday thing... The constant communication... I feel like he's a priority... I don't mind, honestly, because he's a nice guy... But I can't help but wonder:
"If you don't want to give me my allowance because you feel we don't meet up enough, why should I have to give you my honest attention, everyday???"
Is it the same? I think, in a sense... For obvious reasons, we cannot meet 1x a week... He lives a couple of states away... But 2x a month + the everyday communication should = enough of my time and attention to receive an allowance...
I don't know... Tell me what you think, ladies, and David...
- Do you all think that I might have something here? Am I right? Shouldn't I be rewarded more than a couple of light gifts on every date when I am giving more than expected?
- Am I wrong? Should I not focus on this? Does all of this effort in building the rapport eventually pay off in the long run? I mean, this is the first time I've had this long of a 'relationship' so far...
- Do you think it might be a good idea to bring it up? And if so, how might you suggest I do this without potentially messing up any good I might have already built? If not, why...
Whew... I haven't typed that fast, that much in quite a while... Being a chemistry major in college, I don't spend much time working my fingers like that... School starts in a week, and I feel like it was only a week ago that I was crying for finals to be over... *sigh*
I need some chocolate, cookie dough, with fudge swirls ice cream, with chocolate sprinkles atop...
-CCSB
Rapport building is good, but one potential problem with communicating every day with someone for a long time is that things can become routine. Familiarity is what kills fantasy and can eventually breed contempt. This isn't a boy/girlfriend relationship, this is supposed to be sugar.
ReplyDeleteIf the pot wants your constant attention he should be compensating you for it and you should be asking for an allowance (I'm curious why you didn't do this at the start). If you don't ask, you don't get - not all men reach into their pockets unprompted to reward good behaviour.
As for asking, if you both met on a sugar site then you shouldn't feel ashamed to ask - He should know the drill. Just don't demand it arrogantly. There are a lot of ways to ask someone to assist you: You could bring it up by saying that you are happy with how things are going between you, and as your sugardaddy you would appreciate regular support from him.
It's been more than a month now, I wouldn't wait longer before asking especially if you are in constant contact. Last thing you want is him to start expecting your time for nothing and not feel obliged to offer you regular assistance.
Great response Eden. What would you suggest if it wanst on a sugar site but freestyling though?
ReplyDeleteGirl, you need to PULL back. You are giving him too much attention and he's taking it for granted. If he asks why you're pulling back..tell him you dont have that much time anymore and you're worried about bills and payments for school stuff then ignore him. If he's worth anything he will then suggest helping you. If not, then you know you have a selfish stingy man and you'll have to do away with him completely. Remember this is about sugar..he's getting needs met..you're not.
@Eden: how are you baby? solid advice by the way.
ReplyDelete@Yada: Doest look like the pot SD is getting needs met, nless they are all on a non sexual nature.
@Chocolate: In my opinion you should end it right here and right now. I would. The way you are writing about him it seems like there isn't enough to keep your interest going. In general, I find that many young women are overthinking the whole thing. You like him or you don't. He is willing or able to provide what u are seeking, or he is not. I think you should have asked for the allowance thing for a set number of dates upront, in a firm but polite way. Now he is used to the other stuff he is doing, and it only geets harder if u put it off. so: Ask him or leave him would be my advice
Hey check out this link. On the second page. David Montrose, a famous blogger and author, is featured. It is from ABC news 20/20 show
ReplyDeletehttp://abcnews.go.com/US/aspiring-musician-sugar-baby-seekingarrangement-pay-tuition/story?id=15356704&page=2
Wow... David... thanks for the advice... I get what you mean... And I'd hate to make such a big deal out of it. I did express to him my interest in an allowance in the beginning, but he didn't want to... I feel that now, it should only be more of an option, because of the time I spent on him... even despite the distance...
ReplyDeleteI've asked... and hopefully he agrees...
And interesting article... Great insight, and a plug... Nice...
-CCSB
I agree with everybody else on this one. I mean what are you really getting out of it?? You could be spending the time you're using on him to find an actual SD who is willing and genuinely wants to help you out. Never settle girl.
ReplyDeleteMost guys don't think they need to reward a girl for her daily attention (texts/emails), and that is so wrong of them. Time is money. doesn't matter in person or just emails. you should definately bring up monthly allowance again...either he agrees or he will contact you less...
ReplyDeleteLadies, you're all right... I've already presented this to him... We have another date scheduled for the upcoming weeks... We'll see... Otherwise, it's snip snip... "and on to the next one"
ReplyDeleteDavid, there are some who provide sugar before sexual needs are brought into the equation. least he could do is provide some sugar while he's blowing up her phone.
ReplyDeleteGood luck girl