So, you all know what I'm looking for. Nothing out of line or over the top... I'm not asking for my SDs to buy me thousand-dollar shoes or to make a down payment on a house for me... I'm a simple girl, with simple needs... I make that all clear early so that there's no room for misunderstandings down the line...
But what do these men want from us??? Is it just our company...??? Someone to talk to...??? A beautiful young woman to spend time with after a hard day at work...??? The opportunity to make us giddy with excitement with their money and gifts...??? Potential life partners...??? Or, simply sex...???
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Lately, this has been a big question for me... What Do These Men Want? I should just call Mel Gibson and ask, but I'm sure he's busy... lol
I don't know about you all, but I find that talking about things... Being open and honest with your feelings and thoughts early on only helps in pretty much every situation--Sugar relationships, specifically... We enter these things with wants, needs, and expectations from each other in the back of our minds...
When I'm meeting a potential SD, I do my best to let him know what I want... And I only expect him to do the same... Tell me what you want, and I will do my best, if I find it within me, to get it done for you--with a sweet smile on my face... You are the one who's paying for my time and attention, no??? If you want a back rub every week, tell me... A shrink--to listen to you moan about your life, sure... ((though I am far from qualified)) If you want to have sex with me, let me know... If you're an attractive guy, and things feel right, okay... But don't simply assume, I'm thinking it... Maybe it hasn't crossed my mind... How can anyone know what you want if you don't specify it for them??? And you can't be angry with a girl for not guessing the right card...
Being new in this world is daunting enough... I'm learning quickly... but I'm no mind-reader... Open your mouth, and tell me... We'll talk about it, and move on from there... You never know, I might just be into it...
Men...smh
CCSB
My 0.02 cents:
ReplyDeleteDo you specifically ask the men what it is they seek themselves? And are you as straightforward with your needs as you think you should be? Seriously, you need to be brutally honest with yourself about this one because a lot of people aren't (and I myself have been guilty of this in the past as well).
The whole point of the sites is that they are used as a platform for transparency. You are both on there to cut to the chase to get what it is you each are seeking. However, both sides are often guilty for not properly stating what they want. Girls drop ambiguous hints and men use euphemisms (e.g. "I want someone to look after me and who I will look after back" can mean anything - you each need to be specific). However each person does so to minimise both the risk of sounding offensive. However, that way of talking causes confusion and only makes it harder to get what you want because you are not expressly stating your needs. Then that's where frustration often occurs.
You have to be straight up and encourage the other person to be the same. You can be classy when you do it (it's not a myth that you can't be straightforward and classy at the same time). Ask him to be specific with what he is looking for on the site and what he seeks to do in return. If the guy even when asked won't tell you what he wants or bumbles about, move on because he's doing you a favour by showing you he has no clue. Don't waste your time on these types of men. You want someone decisive and generous with a clear goal in mind.
I think we all know what we are there for. But I think its always better when things happen naturally. Pulling out a specific list and saying 'well today I want items # 1, #2 and a little bit of item #3' is too scripted for my taste. When a man and a woman come together , stuff is supposed to happen. Am I wrong?
ReplyDelete@ Eden: You're completely right... It is a concern--coming off offensive through honesty... But I feel I have been straight-forward with said gentleman from the beginning... I only expect the same... Perhaps not everyone feels as comfortable for the fear of being rejected... not sure...
ReplyDelete@ David: You have a point... No body wants a text "Hey, can I have the #2 today?" All the same, if everything's stated in the beginning... EVERYTHING he/she wants... Then, down the road, there should be no speed bumps or dead ends... It leaves less room for error or rejection... Stuff just happens easier...
Personally, I think that's the best policy... Tell me what you're ultimately here for and I'll do the same... We'll enjoy our time together, and moving forward things should feel natural and fun because we each have the other person's true interests in mind...
CCSB
@David: You'd be surprised - not everyone knows what they are there for. And what about newbies? Should they rely on nature taking it's course only to waste time/money on someone who didn't fit with what they were seeking? For example, a girl may think that a promise of spoiling means she will get a great allowance when the guy only has fancy dinners in mind. Likewise, a girl might think her company at dinner is enough when the man wants intimacy. The bottom line is that you say what you want on the sites. Noone is saying that you bring a list of demands, but be prepared to involve other person in a mature and transparent discussion whereby you listen to their wants and then tell them what you expect. You only have to read around the blogs to see that this is how the successful sugars get what they want.
ReplyDelete@CCSB: Yes, the person should tell you what they are there for. But if they don't offer that information, my point is that you should ask them. Don't wait around too long hoping they will tell you or just give you an allowance (if they haven't already). Try to get the ball rolling and if they pussy foot around and give excuses, don't give them a lecture or anything, just leave them alone and move onto someone else. In doing so, hopefully you'll more likely find someone who is serious about an arrangement.
Lol, don't make it more than it is. If you and the sugar daddy are compatible, things will happen naturally. Most sugar daddies include sex in the arrangement...if you’re not down with that, then this probable isn't for you. Think about some guy isn't just going to hand out his money for nothing; you have to give a little lovin' (Most of the time).
ReplyDeleteSeriously, girl.
I think it is more important for us as women to be the ones who speak up about our needs and wants in these types of relationships.
ReplyDeleteMen are very simple creatures. They are here for one thing. Sex.
Some men do go about it differently. Some like to get down to it right away and some enjoy a courtship so to speak. But in the end they are looking for someone to be intimate with.
Women on the other hand are the ones who have the more complex needs, whether it is money, gifts, or what have you. I try to make it a point very early on of what I am looking for so that down the line the guys are not surprised.
I echo takelia's post above.
ReplyDeletemy most successful SD relationship was laid out, cut and dry. we agreed on the terms, and held one another to them. sugar goes both ways!